Deciphering a Woman’s Test in a Request
If a woman storms off after an argument and she’s expecting you to chase behind her, you can be sure it’s a test. If she playfully teases you to evoke a sexual response from you (poking the bear) you know she’s testing you. While these types of tests are easy to figure out, other types of female testing may not be so obvious. This is especially the case if the test comes in the form of a request. And it can get really confusing, especially if you never realized that you were being tested on a regular basis. You could always solve this by thinking that any request she makes of you is a test, but that sort of thinking isn’t conducive to maintaining a happy and harmonious adult relationship. Living in fear of being manipulated will make you paranoid. It keeps you on the defensive and makes it ridiculously difficult for you to enjoy a loving relationship with any woman. So instead of thinking that every time she asks you to do something she’s testing you, it’s better to cue in on your woman’s tone and the underlying motive she has when she makes a request.
The best solution I’ve come across for telling whether or not a request is a test based on a woman’s tone and motive comes from the relationship author, Athol Kay. On his blog, MarriedManSexLife.com, Athol posits that a woman’s request can be placed in one of four categories. First he mentions that a reasonable request made in a reasonable tone is not a test and therefore should not be treated like one. If your wife or girlfriend makes a sensible request of you in a very graceful tone, she’s just looking for a little assistance. For example, “Honey, can you get the flour for me please. It’s in the top cupboard.” You’re clearly taller than her and she’s baking your favorite cookies. Comply with it. I always encourage guys to reward good behavior with good behavior. If your woman makes a reasonable request of you in a reasonable tone, the last thing you want to do is respond harshly. Don’t give her any incentive to treat you like an inconsiderate brute.
The second type of request Athol discusses is a reasonable request made in an unreasonable tone. These can be classified as true congruence tests because of the way a woman approaches you. Her request is sincere and necessary but her tone is disrespectful. For example, “Honey, get off your lazy behind and get me the flour NOW.” Do not comply with nagging or any kind of cantankerous behavior. Firmly tell her that you’ll address her needs when she changes her tone to a more reasonable one. Thirdly, Athol discusses unreasonable requests made in a reasonable tone. These are, in fact, compliance tests. You’ll recognize them because whatever she’s asking for seems so unreasonable, but she asks in a very pleasant, attractive tone just to appease your ego. It’s usually something that would cost you so much of your time, money, standards, etc., that it makes you undeniably uncomfortable. For example, “Honey, I was thinking we should buy a better car. The business is doing really well, and we can afford it. What do you think?” A smart woman might even apply some logic to her request, but when you observe the underlying motive you’ll realize what’s going on. The truth is you don’t need a second car and even though you can afford it, it’s still not a part of your financial plans for the year.
How do you handle it? You can discuss it like an adult and help her realize that you really don’t need a second car right now. You can even take it a step further and give a cocky response complete with a sly, playful grin; something like: “Well, keep thinking about it.” Whatever you do though, do not comply. She’s being downright manipulative, whether she realizes it or not.
The fourth category Athol mentions is an unreasonable request made in an unreasonable tone. This is blatant verbal abuse, boundary crossing, and disrespectful language that must be dealt with firmly. For example, “John, why are you such a cheapskate? I hate being seen driving that piece of crap in our garage. I want a new car, John. You’re so selfish when it comes to money.” If she’s acting like this you can either ignore her entirely or firmly tell her that you refuse to even communicate with her until she changes her tone. If she continues her tirade and you feel your anger slowly peak, remove yourself from her presence before you do or say something you might regret.
In this instance, the woman is being both manipulative and mean. Do not comply and if possible, do not even communicate. You are neither a child nor an animal. You’re a man and you expect to be treated like one. As a final note, Athol mentions that certain requests may actually be mission critical in that they require your immediate attention. It doesn’t matter if it’s a test or not because certain things just need to get done as soon as possible. These include home maintenance, paying bills, and usually emergencies related to family. As the man of the house there will be times when you’ll have to bite the bullet and comply not because you’re caving to her pressure, but because of your commitment to the greater good.
The great thing about this whole approach is that it’s especially useful when you’re in doubt as to whether or not you should comply, put your foot down and say “NO”, or simply ignore her until she changes her tone. In his best-selling book, Married Man Sex Life Primer: 2011, Athol calls these tests “Fitness Tests” and discusses the various types and how a married man can overcome them. It’s a noteworthy read for all married men, but especially if you’re a husband looking for a permanent solution for getting your wife more interested in having sex with you (and only you). Highly recommended.
Understanding Commitment Tests
There’s another type of test that guys in relationships may experience more often than not. These are the kinds of tests women use to gain some assurance of a man’s level of commitment to them. Interestingly enough, commitment tests usually only show up when a woman begins to feel that your loyalty to her is threatened. If she begins to feel as if your priorities are elsewhere, that you’ve lost interest in her, or that she can be easily replaced at the drop of a dime she’s going to start throwing commitment tests at you in order to ease her insecurities. If you haven’t realized already, commitment tests are normally a problem when a man is acting so overwhelmingly dominant with a woman that he fails to balance his displays of firm leadership with displays of unconditional love. Whereas congruence tests of various kinds must be overcome with overt to subtle displays of masculine assertiveness, commitment tests must be overcome with overt to subtle displays of emotional interest