Survival of the Fittest
For most women the act of testing men is a survival mechanism used for gaining vital information about a man’s character. Because a woman craves security and a weak man poses great risk to the well-being of both her and her offspring, she’s going to use various techniques, albeit
unknowingly, to ensure that the man she’s interested or invested in can be counted on now and in the future.
The scariest part about this kind of behavior that guys can’t seem to accept is that for women, this process happens subconsciously. Most women don’t know that they’re doing it and the ones who do realize what’s going on only recognize what they’re doing AFTER they’ve tested a man. Just as it requires a ton of self-control to not stare at a half-naked woman in your field of vision, so it is with this habit of testing for women.
In my book, What Women Want In A Man, I stress the point that what women really want from men is the experience of desiring and being desired by a strong, confident man. Women who exude feminine grace prefer men who lead just as well as they love. You cannot have one without the other if you want to cultivate a successful relationship with a good woman. It’s this insatiable quest for balance that compels a woman to keep a man on his toes in a relationship by testing him.
If a man becomes passive, a woman may instinctively challenge him in an attempt to make him assert himself. An example? Think of the husband who’s been out of work for months on end. He may soon find that his wife has become less patient with him as she constantly challenges his
authority in an attempt to pressure him to seek out provisions for the family.
On the other hand, if a man becomes far too dominating and selfinvolved, a woman may provide him with just enough drama in an attempt to draw out his more compassionate, caring side.
Think of the boyfriend who has grown slightly distant due to a big project at his job. He’s not cheating or planning on leaving his girlfriend, but her survival mechanism kicks in and forces her to seek out reassurance. How? By throwing an emotional fit that gets his attention and compels him to prove that he’s still committed to her and hasn’t “checked out” of the relationship. Women require men to both lead and love them, and they’ll pull out all the stops necessary to get these needs met.
What a Woman Gains from Testing You
Short answer: a TON of information. By testing a man, a woman gains access to an unsullied source of information that she wouldn’t readily have access to if she had just asked him a few questions. What this means is that by testing you she can figure out what kind of man you really are without you having to verbalize it to her. Going this route allows her to bypass any misinformation that you may give her and get straight to the truth. When a woman tests you, you cannot hide what’s inside.
A quick Internet search for the definition of a test reveals that: a test is a procedure intended to establish the quality, performance, or reliability of something, especially before it is taken into widespread use. Read that? That means that a woman wants to establish (determine, ascertain, etc.) your quality as a man, how you will perform in certain situations in the future, and whether or not she can rely on (trust) you. And she does all of this covertly, unexpectedly, and under the radar of men so that they won’t have a chance to lie to her.
Lets look at it this way. If a woman meets a man and asks him, “So, how much money do you make?” he can lie. If she asks him, “Are you an exceptional lover?” he can lie. If she asks him, “Will you treat me with respect and be a good father to our children?” he can lie. If a college professor wants to know if you’ve learned everything you needed to know about a certain subject at the end of the semester, she can either ask you if you’ve learned what you were suppose to or, to
avoid the risk of you lying to her she can test you on that subject instead. Even with this college example, life is a bit unfair because unlike a college exam you have no idea when and sometimes how a woman is going to test you. In the game of love a woman’s tests are more like pop quizzes than an end-of-term examination.
Women intrinsically understand that a man can and often WILL lie in order to get with a woman. So during the initial phases of getting to know you, a woman will test you in order to quickly learn a great deal about you without the risk of being misled.
Additionally, an especially attractive woman doesn’t have time to deal with all of the guys who may be interested in her. Because of this, she may subconsciously create a flawless system for weeding out unsuitable men who just don’t “get it.” And once she finds a man who “gets it” she’s
going to continue to test him until the relationship ends or he kicks the bucket.
On the other hand, when a woman is already in a relationship with a man, she understands that her future well-being is directly linked to the quality of the man that she’s already committed to. Therefore, once in a relationship the tests will continue so that she can quickly access where
she stands with him and what kind of man he is without the risk of lies and misinformation.
She Can’t Control What She Craves
When it comes to relating with men, women are biologically designed by their Maker to seek out love and leadership and not necessarily in that order. These desires aren’t something that a woman can consciously control; therefore it’s all too common for her desires to get the best of
her. In other words, if a woman longs for love and leadership she’s going to do whatever she can to get both of those things from a man.
Some men, when first introduced to the concept that women subconsciously test them at every stage of the mating game, are usually shocked and appalled. Some even struggle with discomfort as they start to distrust women on the whole because it seems so diabolical.
Being hardwired to desire a man’s strength, a woman will view her significant other as being at least partially responsible for her well-being. This means that in certain situations, she expects her man to protect her even from herself. The problem here is that these days, most men don’t appear to be hardwired this way at all.
Due to cultural shifts, societal issues, and misinformation, men do not assume this responsibility naturally. So when they hear women making statements like “I need a man who can handle me” or “I just wish he’d stand up to me sometimes” they appear baffled. What’s worse is that when women come across these baffled fellows who just don’t “get it” they cannot feel nor maintain attraction or respect for them