Will Women Always Test Me?
Short answer: Yes. There’s nothing you can do to control her tests. You cannot control when they happen and the nature in which you will experience them. That’s just the way it is, so get used to the idea if you want to get along well with the opposite sex, especially in a long-term relationship or marriage. When considering the frequency and volume of a woman’s tests one must consider it within the context of why she’s testing. Is she testing you for fun and personal gratification or is she testing you because she’s insecure? With this question in mind, here’s the rationale: The more secure a woman feels around you the less she’s going to test you in order to gain reassurance of your congruence or commitment. On the other hand, the more attraction a woman feels for you the more she’s going to test you in order to experience playful displays of your masculinity.
The latter is the kind of test that you WANT to experience with a woman, preferably often. The former is the kind of test you probably want a whole lot less of. This is the kind of test I’ll be referring to for the rest of this section. Now, from my personal experiences with women and from what I’ve observed from other men and their relationships, a woman’s tests can be reduced or the negative emotions you experience from them can be diminished. This results from one of two situations:
1. You’re playing your role well in your relationship, i.e., you are a mature, masculine man that leads and loves his woman unconditionally, or…
2. She’s playing her role well, i.e., she is a mature, feminine woman who respects and supports her man unconditionally. When both or either of these situations is not present, you may find yourself on the receiving end of a load of congruence or commitment tests that have the capacity to overwhelm you.
If you’re playing your role well, her experiences with you will ensure her of your leadership and loyalty, and thus her insecurities will be regularly kept at bay. When she’s playing her role well, she is far more likely to exercise control over her emotions, and therefore will submit to your masculine leadership more readily and without incident. If you’re not being the MAN she needs, you’re giving her female mind an excuse to conjure up ways to either affirm or suppress her insecurities – by testing you. If she’s not being the supportive, submissive woman you love by respecting you unconditionally, again, her female mind starts to feel the power imbalance that will cause her to test you. If you’re not playing your role and she’s not playing hers all at once…well, let’s just say you’re in for the ride of your life buddy. I mention this only to illustrate that a man cannot avoid being tested by a woman, but he can keep those tests in check by being the man she needs.
Being the man she needs ensures that her insecurities are minimized and that your capacity to lead and love her cannot be reproached. Being the man she needs also ensures that when she does test you, you are less likely to experience her tests in a negative way. Life Will Test You From the moment you step out into the world, you’re being tested; even more so as a man. There’s nothing you can do to avoid being tested day in and day out. You’ll either learn how to deal with it or you’ll find yourself constantly failing life’s tests.
I know this all sounds quite philosophical and perhaps even a bit esoteric, but believe me when I tell you that one of the most valuable qualities you can develop as a man is to learn how to remain unmoved by the various tests life throws at you. Getting a grip on your emotions and overcoming your fears will make you an unmovable rock when life throws a few storms at you. But we have to start somewhere, and what better place to start than when dealing with the opposite sex? Because I wanted to make this book as logical and practical as possible I’m going to be blunt. If you want to remain steadfast not only as you relate with women but in other areas of your life, you must learn to embrace rejection and enjoy conflict. Read that last sentence again. Now, I’m not saying that you need to get physically aroused anytime you get into a confrontation, but having the mindset that says, “I can handle this!”, in the midst of life’s challenges will set you apart as the kind of man a woman can trust and therefore give herself to in full.
Learning not only how to deal with rejection and conflict but actively seeking them out will harden you. Real life experience is invaluable, and there’s nothing like being out in the field for yourself, testing your own mettle against the tides and turns of this thing called life.